5 Manageable Ways to be More Proactive with Kids

The sooner you can get on board with being proactive about your life, your parenting, your home, the sooner you'll find the calm you need.

When I'm organized and plan ahead, life seems to flow smoothly. I stay on top of the chores, I get something out for dinner every morning to thaw, we get dressed and leave the house by 8 or 9 in the morning, and don't have to stop for fast-food for lunch. The kids fall asleep quickly, nap for 3 hours and all is right with the world. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case. I spend too much time on the computer while the kids watch cartoons and lose track of time. Or I constantly check my phone throughout the day, while the kids run amuck in the house, digging out all of their toys and causing chaos that soon overwhelms me and puts me in "shut down" mode.

I have this uncanny ability to ignore problems or troubles until they blow over or go away. Call it a coping mechanism left over from my childhood. Just pretend nothing is wrong until it's not wrong anymore. Time heals a lot of things. Sometimes this ability to delay gratification helps achieve a goal, like when you're trying to save money for something. But in your home and relationships it's better to address things right away, before they become overwhelming.

What are 5 Manageable ways you can be Proactive with kids?

Pay attention to patterns and routines.

Kids are creatures of habit. If you find yourself beating your head against a wall for the same reason over and over, take a minute to breathe and come up with a solution. For example, I am not a morning person. After I put in my contacts, I need coffee. The kids are the same way about chocolate milk. But, they stand there and beg for it the entire time I'm trying to make it and get the coffee running. It's like when you waitress and you're already planning to bring the biscuits out first, but the guests keep asking for them before you can get to it. Solution: Set up the coffee pot and make the chocolate milk before you go to bed. Once your child is old enough to open the refrigerator he will love getting it himself. If you get up at the same time everyday, you can even program the coffee to be ready when you come downstairs instead of having to push the button and wait.

Do a full load of laundry every day.

I know, you're laughing and thinking yeah right. But try it. Take the time to focus on a load of laundry and how much time it actually takes to complete from start to finish. Time how long the folding and putting away step takes with just one load. In comparison to an entire room full, it seems surprisingly short. Trying to get out the door and no one can get dressed because you can't find anything clean in the baskets that fit the kids, or yourself? That takes so much more time and causes so much more stress than just having the laundry where you need it. Involve the kids once they are old enough (2-3 years) to know where certain things like socks, underwear, and pajamas go. In my house, those are things that go in drawers but don't stay folded, so I don't get upset if they are put away a little haphazardly. 

Pack your lunch & snacks the night before.

If I know I need to be somewhere early the next morning, I'll put our lunch and snacks together the night before. You can even go as far as making sure you have diapers and wipes in the diaper bag before you go to bed. Then it's just grab and go. Yes, sometimes after laying with my kids at bedtime, I'm not motivated to do this. But it really does make the day go so much smoother when it doesn't take you an hour to get out the door. 

Clean as you go and involve your kids in your chores.

Ok, so I'm still working on this one. It's an important skill to teach your kids and they are only going to learn from example at a young age. You're done playing with that and want to move on to another toy? Ok, let's put that one back where we got it first. Kids as young as 18 months are surprisingly happy to help put things (like diapers) in the trash can. When they aren't, don't force them, but suggest it first and ask nicely, they might surprise you with their helpfulness. If your kid spills a drink, hand them a paper towel so they can help you clean up the spill. Remind them that accidents happen, but when they do you need to help fix them. (This comes in handy with potty training too). 

Set Limits BEFORE you get upset or annoyed with the behavior

This one might be hard too, because it requires you to get up and get involved in the situation. If the kids are hitting each other or getting rough, you can't just tell them what you want them to do. You have to physically keep their hands off each other and say "I won't let you hit him, it hurts." Give a warning, but stick with one. Continuous warnings just breed continuous behavior. You have to act upon it immediately. I call it the Super Nanny method. In the beginning you have to say, "This is your warning. If you do X again, you will be in time out." Even if they rush to say I'm sorry, they still need to sit in time out, then say they are sorry, or they will think their bad behavior can be erased just because they apologized. Believe it or not, this even worked with my son with copying. I let him copy me once or twice and then I say, "Ok, that's your warning. If you do it again, you'll be in time out." Sometimes he even says, "Thanks Mommy". The same goes when you are out in public. Find a quiet place you can use for "time outs" and use the same consequence. If you have to keep saying you're going to leave or you're not going to go somewhere you'll fall into the bad habit of "one more warning" and your kids will never take you seriously.

So that's it, 5 manageable ways you can be more proactive with kids. Which ones will you implement first? Trust me, change one small thing and it will make a big difference in how prepared you feel and how smoothly your day goes.

All About Carpets

I finally called Stanley Steemer to come clean the carpets. They left without cleaning them, but I did learn a lot about carpets and appreciated their friendly honest opinions and genuine concern for saving me money.

Before having kids, I'd describe myself as proactive, especially at work. At home, especially since being thrown off by the unexpected challenges of parenthood, sometimes things get put off that shouldn't be.

So- what's the right way to do it:

1. When you buy new carpets, they have a protective coating that eventually wears off from traffic.
2. High traffic marks on carpets won't come out, even with professional cleaning. They will be clean, but they won't look clean.
3. Choose a carpet designed for high traffic, with dark specs that mask dirt.
4. Have the professionals come clean at least once a year and apply a protective coating (additional cost).
5. Clean spots and stains immediately so they don't set in (and vacuum regularly).
6. Soot and soil filtration won't come out with professional cleaning either.
7. Budget accordingly: The minimum at Stanley Steemer was $109, and that's what it costs for 2 rooms. They also do furniture.

Treat yourself and have your carpets cleaned. Then plan to have them replaced at least every 10 years.

If you decide to do it yourself

• Use half the recommended amount of soap and the hottest water you can.
• The vacuum on your personal carpet machine isn't as strong as the professionals and it will leave soap residue behind, which attracts dirt.

So, even the Stanley Steemer guys are not miracle workers. But, they can help you stay on top of your big cleaning projects (like the carpets) and teach you about how to actually take care of your carpets from the beginning. Hey, you never know unless you ask.

*This post is not sponsored. It expresses my experience with Stanley Steemer and what I learned about carpets from having them come to my house.

Ending the Waiting

Many things in life cannot be said more eloquently than by Dr. Seuss.

"The Waiting Place...for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go 

or a bus to come, or a plane to go

or the mail to come, or the rain to go

or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

or waiting around for a Yes or No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting."

I've been doing a lot of waiting lately when it comes to starting my own official blog. A blog that makes money, that people actually read (because I actually tell people about it and promote it), that makes an impact on someone's life, where I call all the shots. I've been writing oodles and oodles of drafts that I never have the guts to publish. But that's not me- being afraid of what people might think. Biting my tongue instead of giving my honest opinion. I've never cared about that before. Suddenly the "to do" list to make the blog official is just too overwhelming and I'm stuck. Stuck because I want it to be successful and official all at once. Deciding on a niche and a name, registering a domain, all of the things that official bloggers do. In my dreams of how I want my blog to be, I forget that the blog, like life, is a process and success doesn't come at the beginning. 

So here it goes. Yet another first post. Another fresh start. 

I've learned a lot in my almost 4 years as a mother. Mostly about myself and what it takes to run my home successfully (in my eyes) but mostly what makes it run unsuccessfully. I have my own ideas about the values I want to teach my kids and what I think it takes to do that. What I've also learned is that what works for me doesn't work for everyone, but it might make you think about your own problems and challenges in a new way. So, just because I give my opinion in this blog and tell my own stories of what worked for me, doesn't mean I am judging you for doing it differently. I'm just sharing my own perspective. So in return, I ask that if you must judge my opinions, please keep it to yourself. There's no right or wrong way to be a parent to your unique children. Nothing is black and white- everything is grey. What works one minute or one day, won't work the next. Like life, it's a balancing act, an experiment and we're all doing the best we can with what we've got. 

That's all for now. I hope to keep myself accountable to write and share and that people come to read (and maybe benefit) from my thoughts along the way.